summersdream: (team bronn)
I'm either a)never admitting it or b)screaming about it from the rooftops, but ONLY if it gets an awesome title.

Like... Pregnesia or The Playboy Sheikh's Virgin Stable Girl.

To this end, I think I will add to my to-do list: Write the insanest whackadoodle romance possible. For the specific joy of seeing if I can actually finish it, and if anyone else can read it without making o___O faces during/after. If it ever gets published by real people I'll just consider it a bonus. This will be a labor of love. And cough syrup.

I'm kind of certain the whackiest and most insane romance plots have already been done either by Harlequin or Ellora's Cave but I don't actually care. TIME TRAVELING COWBOY SHEIK KNIGHTS FIGHTING FAERY DEMONS WITH UNICORNS AND SHIMMERING VHAMPYRES RIDING VELOCIRAPTORS HERE WE GO. WITH EXTRA BEJEWELED ELEPHANTS. AND SEX.

Don't worry, I'll at least spell-check it first. I would not enjoy being haunted by a scepter any more than you would. And... come on. I made it through three Merry Gentry books and two Children of the Moon. I'm not sure I can actually dole out a full book's worth of this kind of crack, but I'd be willing to try.

In the end the entire book will be waved away with a Shower Scene where Puck walks in and admits to the heroine that he totally fairy-drugged her the night before so she just tripped fairy balls over in a corner the night before but don't worry it was all a vision of her True Love. And that is actually why humans can't eat fairy food: It's entirely made of hallucinogenic mushrooms.

It's either that or something about 'He was the child of an Eldritch Horror and she was the daughter of that greatest horror of all, a forensic accountant...' sort of thing.

Though, you know, being kidnapped through time via a men's restroom by a medieval knight collecting for his Harem through the Ages collection is still the best ever. I mean, I know my romantic fantasy has always been to become a harem girl to a time-traveling medieval sex-addict. ... Ok not really. I'm more likely to think about a one night hook up with The Punisher TBH. Some girls like flowers and romance, some girls like seeing people's heads turned into pink mist. WHATEVER.

I think I'm going to give up on writing a straight-up medieval romance though. Maybe I'll have more luck if I add the uncut crack into its veins. I shall go back to my drawing board now and get back with you later.

Hey, self?

May. 19th, 2011 08:45 pm
summersdream: (welcome to wonderland)
I know we've got zombiedeath allergies today... but could you please string a coherent sentence together? We're trying to write here.

I have NO IDEA what you meant when you typed half one sentence then apparently decided one sentence should be an allegory for time travel through the 13th dimension and finished the sentence in some other sentence making no sense in the context of anything going on in this scene.

Also, stop outlining and FIGURE OUT THE CHARACTERS. This book is going to suck if its protagonist has the same personality as Bella Swan (which is to say: NONE).

This also would mean you need to stop whaaaambulancing it and pick a century and specific geographic location for this story to take place. Yes, I know there a few that fit, but PICK ONE. Blargh.

Room spinning. I hate zombieplague.

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summersdream

September 2012

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