Soo... I fell off the face of the internet again. I'm sorry. :/ Getting our house unpacked, arranged and trying to thrift/garage sale/craigslist/buy furniture is sort of eating time. On the bright side I discovered chalk paint and at last there's something I can paint furniture with that doesn't kill me with paint fumes. I finished painting a nightstand that Spike gave me and it looks a million times better now that its ugly dark exterior (which was further destroyed by someone having a water bottle incident I think) is hidden under distressed white. So I'm doing the same thing to Brynden's unfortunate chest of drawers and I'm working on a cute wicker piece I picked up at a garage sale. The wicker piece was $5 and all it needs is some glue and new drawer pulls! Easy fix.

Meanwhile I spent last week in Hometown at mom and stepdad's place while Brynden was at training in Georgia. And that is where we hit problems. Many problems. Let me list them.

1.) Mom is working hella overtime because her high stress state job is now higher stress with the state being in dire financial woe and consolidating 3 county offices into one with half the workers they actually need. So by the time she gets home, she's exhausted and just can't cope with cleaning or housework. Stepdad meanwhile has had a couple eye surgeries and his sight is just... not all that great. Plus he's a product of the 1950s and while he tries to clean he's just not thorough or careful (seriously the number of figurines, pieces of furniture etc that he's broken are just too numerous to count). When I lived at home I would clean the main areas every couple months at the least so while it might get messy it didn't get dirty... and the last few times I was up I was in bad asthma situations so I couldn't clean. So last week I walked into the giant family room and choked because oh my god the dust and spiderwebs. And that's not even talking about the guest room or the front parlor or my old room. And no one told them how to use the new HE washer so oh god the mold in it. o____O 

I spent four days just on the family room, I'm not even kidding. The bar fridge had a giant block of ice instead of a freezer (SOLID. ICE. BLOCK.) and it took 3 days to defrost- with a lamp shining right on it. I swept up enough dirt to build a dam, I think. And I didn't even get around to wiping down the rough-hewn cross beams on the ceiling (btw I know cross beams and rough hewn stuff look cool but TRUST ME you learn to hate them if you try to dust them) or to scrubbing down the mantle. Most of the time I was sweeping, dusting, and cleaning out the tables (they are the kind that have doors and storage in them), washing the curtains, trying to fix some of the scratches on the hardwood with finish feeder, etc.


2) Mom and Stepdad had to put on a new roof in May- and I don't mean new shingles I mean new ROOF. Their house was built in the 60s sometime and oh my god the stress from the roof stuff has left huge stress cracks all over the walls in almost every room, and a couple in the ceilings. The popcorn ceilings. The textured walls. o____o So Brynden and I are going to do some patching and in the process we'll probably just de-texturize that shit because replicating the wall texture is just... not going to happen. And I'm not interested in popcorn ceiling sprays either, I'll be honest.


3) The half-finished basement flooded three years ago and they had to put in a fully new line for the sump and storm drains and whatnot- including digging up the yard and the street. Afterward stepdad was supposed to get the basement de-molded but he decided there was too much stuff in the way and instead of moving it and doing one wall at a time (the floor is still cement so just required a mop and some soap) he just didn't bother at all. I refuse to go down there without a gas mask, tbh.


4) Stepdad decided to redo the bathrooms about... four years ago? Five? Mom's new shower insert sat in the front parlor for almost two years anyway, and then he finally put it in and hooked up the knobs backward (the cold is to hot, etc) and he didn't even finish off the edge of the little toilet nook where it meets the shower, or repair the other wall where he put a hammer through it. It looked like that for a couple years until he finally put a half-hearted piece of sheet rock on the edge bit but the grout everywhere is still like a giant mess of blobby ick, and there is still the hole in the back wall and.. yeah. The shower he picked for his bathroom is still somewhere in the basement. So that went well.

Oh and god help me, Stepdad hung up a shelf in mom's bathroom- by cleverly nailing a giant plank on the wall and hanging the shelf on that. I wouldn't quibble with that but it's a tiny shelf and I think he used a 2foot 2x4...? And didn't even put the nails in all the way. I don't know. I just... I don't understand.


5) While cleaning the family room, I worked my way through to the front wall that is nearest the rest of the house- on the other side of the wall are the main bath and part of the dining room. I started cleaning under the surround speakers and the entertainment center and realized it was leaning funny. Having experienced my stepfather's style of furniture arrangement (shove it wherever and if some part breaks whatever)... I figured he had broke the entertainment center and didn't tell mom. I was then distracted by the fact my hands and forearms suddenly looked like I had poison ivy or some kind of horrid welts (allergic reaction to dusting probably, or to cleaning the mold out of the washer without gloves becuase I'm dumb sometimes). That evening mom came in and she was going to help me finish with the entertainment center... and all of a sudden I hear from her side of it: "Oh, shit."

The wood floor has dropped away from the wall. No, really. About half the width of the room, the floor has just started curving downward, away from the wall. O____O Like I have no idea what is keeping the tv from falling into the basement. NO IDEA. Because I'm certain that eventually the middle is going to be pulled further down by the already fallen part and woe to anyone in there. The GIANT and VERY HEAVY television is sitting at about a 15 degree angle an the left part of the entertainment center is worse. So mom and I freaked the fuck out and got out some beer because... yeah.

We told stepdad the next morning and he just stared off into space all depressed and shit. And then moved his mental landscape into Denial. "It looks like it's been that way for a while. It's nothing." O________________________O 

I started begging mom to promise she'd call contractors on monday, or she'd let me call them. Or she'd start nagging Stepdad. Or anything. Some kind of action. PLEASE. The giant heavy television is going to crash into the basement and the house will collapse, etc. I wanted her to AT LEAST call an inspector to check the foundation.


6) We moved into the house like 14 years ago and the first thing mom wanted to do was put new carpet and/or flooring in. It's still not done, and the white carpets in the parlor and dining room and hall is so bad now that it looks like dingy cream but trust me it used to be eggshell white. Seriously. Plus the carpet in my room was ruined when we moved in (previously it was a teenage boy's room and there was ground-in poster putty and a couple burn marks, plus a spot that I think he tried to shave the carpet...? I don't even know). Mom had me pick out flooring and color when she picked out flooring for the rest of the house and then... none of it ever got bought.

7) The laundry/mud room has turned into a truly hideous version of a walk-in closet, with stepdad hanging up two questionably stable rails to hang clothes along two sides of the room. Again with nails/screws not in all the way, and clothes piling up on top of the washer/dryer and I just... I can't handle even looking at it. I don't even know where to start- aside from scrubbing the entire washer with vinegar, soap, baking soda, peroxide and then running straight vinegar, baking soda and bleach through it about six times- which I did last week. Plus I bought them HE detergent (Free and Clear because hell no with those ucky fragrances ones) .


.... yeah. (And before suggesting they had budget concerns for not doing stuff... no they didn't. That's part of why I'm so rage-y about this whole thing.) 

Brynden brought me back north yesterday. I talked to mom last night and apparently Stepdad is just like... in no hurry to do shit about the family room floor. And mom was like "We'll see what happens." At which point I freaked out at her "What happens is your end up having to rebuild the basement an family room from fucking scratch. And I will have zero god damn sympathy." 

On the better news, Mom volunteered to take a week off work in September to help me with cleaning the house (I suspect she knows I'll start rearranging things and tossing junk in the garage sale bins- starting with all the fake flowers) and setting up a garage sale for them. And she wanted to take another week off to help me deal with our house but tbh theirs is in far more dire straits. Ours just needs some routine things like painting some scratched paint, etc. Nowhere do we have mold, floors falling in, or cracked walls.

Brynden's volunteered to deal with the mold in the basement if we can get stepdad packed off to visit his kids or taking mom on vacation. It's just figuring out how to ship him off that will be troublesome, and Brynden will do the patching with some minor assistance from me while I go around cleaning stuff so he can get to the walls.

So basically most of my time right now is researching home diy stuff while I try to figure out how to fix some of mom's storage and furniture issues. Half their mess is because the house has almost no storage except to just shove everything into the basement so if I can figure out places/things/ideas for storing stuff neatly and maybe building some stuff maybe part of the problem can be mitigated. Plus, gods bless my mom, but she has a math brain. Equations and investigations and things she is amazing at- but organization and decorating she has a horrible time with, because she just can't see it in her head. She hates decorating with a passion because she can't visualize things without just doing them so she redoes/reorganizes a room then doesn't like it and gets frustrated so she'll just leave it. Which is why the guest room has had the same furniture arrangement for 14 years. The only room she periodically reorganizes is the family room because it is HUGE and she spends lots of time in it, and the furniture in there has slider things on it so she can rearrange it pretty easily. But she hasn't lately which is why she didn't realize how filthy the corners and back area were.

Here's how much my mom hates decorating: She let the 13-year-old pick out the furniture. Seriously. I was the one to out the family room furniture, the dining room table, entertainment center and kitchen table. I was 13. Which, actually I don't think I did too horribly- the only piece that makes me cringe now is the dining room table (it's that honey oak color with carved flowers around the edge and a kind of pedastal feet thing in the center- oh tweenage me, what were you thinking?). The main issue with the kitchen table is the kind of ugly swivel rolling chairs but they are comfy at least. I also picked out the front door, and did most of the furniture arranging until I graduated high school.

AND, stepdad is swearing that if he could just "get this fucking house cleaned up, I'll hire a housekeeper. I'm tired of dealing with it." Of course he follows this declaration up with no doing a damn thing toward cleaning the house. So, I figure if I can get it cleaned, Brynden gets it patched then maybe mom can convince him to get off his ass and buy flooring and deal with the family room, and a housekeeper will finally take pressure off her as well so maybe she'll decide to just order the flooring and get it installed whether he does anything or not.

I just am mostly concerned with the mold, dust and the specter of structural issues that might be hinted at by that damn family room. To me this is like a health hazard in so many ways that I just... I want to fix it. Whether my parents like it or not, dammit I'm getting this fixed. I am not interested in someone ending up with lung cancer or god knows what. *sigh* Seriously as blasee as they both were about everything, I was beginning to think I was being a housing hypochondriac seeing issues that weren't major as major... until Brynden came in was like "Uh no, this is really bad." I was relieved anyway. Until I realized that means all this stuff HAS to get fixed.

D: 

If you guys have any awesome places for storage/organization stuff, let me know.

I didn't think this movie could suck as much as the reviews said it did, and I was right. It was worse.

Taylor Kitsch is adorable and likeable but I don't know if it's just that the director couldn't work with him or wtf happened but he was about as appealing as a piece of cardboard the entire time. Which is a problem when he's supposed to be the hero of a massive sprawling epic. It wasn't that bad until James Purefoy appeared to rescue Carter and Carter was so useless that Captain Puresex had to take himself captive with his own sword and OH MY GOD it was hilarious and perfect and WHY WASNT HE IN THE ENTIRE MOVIE??! Because suddenly he was there and lighting up Mars, the screen, my loins etc and it was like "Oh my god I forgot watching this terrible movie what it felt like to enjoy a movie! Wait! Where are you going, James Purefoy??! NUUUUU Don't leave us with Useless Hero!!!"

James Purefoy and Ciaran Hinds made everything awesome everytime they showed up but sadly it made the woeful inadequacy of the main characters just that much worse and I really want Caesar And Antony Of Mars- it would be an amazing action buddy pic and there would be snark and perfection as they lead the ridiculously named Helium to victory against King Snarlsalot over there.

Meanwhile, we're all stuck watching Cardboard Carter and Poor Man's Megan Fox run around and the only being I really gave a damn about was the spunky frog-dog thing. I liked the frog-dog! But when the cute animal sidekick is the most charismatic thing in the main cast you have a slight problem.

Seriously this thing had Ciaran Hinds, Polly Walker, James Purefoy, Dominic West, Willem Dafoe, Thomas Haden Church... like tons of amazing and even semi-amazing actors and all of them manage about a billion times more charisma and coolness than the main characters.

Plus, even my husband remarked on the amazing multi-size boobs belonging to Deja, who I kept calling Poor Man's Megan Fox anyway and it's true- the costume department was blatantly padding then un-padding her chest depending on the scene and it was just really damn weird. As was the wedding dress. Although to be honest nothing could salvage Deja- I was hoping fervently for her painful and terrifying death from the moment she started whining about having to marry for the good of teh citeh. FFS CAN WE NOT WITH THIS TROPE??! So she runs off like a brat because despite being some kind of brilliant technology developer and scholar or whatever she CANNOT WED WITHOUT LUUUVE NUUUU! Sigh. Look, can we all agree that if she was 15 this would be believable but as a mid-twenties-ish princess she would probably stfu and do her duty? Couldn't there at least have been some whiff of "oh crap he's goign to kill me on the wedding night because I know how to make the Magical Blue Shiny Things!" No? We're really going to go with "I cannot liiiiiive without loooooooooooove!" ?? I hate you, scriptwriter.

I am sad because Deja is actually the same actress who played the fun waitress Dawn in True Blood and I liked her in that but in this movie she sucked. I want to blame the script and the director, tbh.

Meanwhile, John Cardboard of Mars is her love interest and he's just good at Mario jumping around like a demented video game bunny and looking vaguely annoyed. And at abandoning his sort-of-adopted green alien foster-mom person.

And while we are at that, how are aliens who hatch from eggs and raised by whichever female pickes them out of the hatchling ceremony even that damn familiar with the concept of genetic-parents? And why would they give a fuck? Like what in the hell made this a good idea for motivation? Within their culture wouldn't just having raised a kid be like 'parental' enough...? I do not get this business. Because it's a whole big deal in the movie about who foster-alien-mom's actual parents are when it seems like they'd all be more confused by that whole idea.

Basically whoever did this screenplay needs their ass kicked back into a writing class. Let's be incredibly obvious and clichee!! YEY! There has seriously got to be a better way to do Edgar Rice Burroughs stories than this because this almost makes that Traci Lords Syfy pic Princess of Mars look watchable. BLARGH.

The good points of this movie are basically that it is pretty, and the frog-dog and James Purefoy and Ciaran Hinds. And, I'll give it credit because it is REALLY DAMN PRETTY. It just sucks at pretty much everything else.

So um, in conclusion: I do not recommend watching this movie, but if you must watch it then start drinking before the movie starts. It would probably be better viewed through a haze of alcohol.

dwg linked me this fic on Twitter and I literally SPEND ALL DAY READING THIS. I never read long fanfics. EVER. Not for aaaages. But this one made today so much more fun. http://archiveofourown.org/works/324204/chapters/522188

Severe asthma attacks all day and a run to the pharmacy and the movers packing up the downstairs first even tho I was more prepared for the upstairs but oh well DARCY IS TEACHING LOKI TO BE FRIENDS.

I'm also like blitzed on meds so that's fun too. Like literally three allergy meds and two asthma meds and oh my god I can't wait to move and never be here again.

OMG WHERE HAS THIS BEEN ALL MY LIFE??
Between this and Sons of Anarchy I may not even miss Game of Thrones while it's gone. o___o
...
Okay that's a lie because GoT has the flawfree Emilia Clarke/Dany. OTOH SoA has Tara Knowles and Justified has my new queen, Ava Crowder.

We're only halfway through the second season dvd's right now (finishing s2 on Monday) but ZOMG. Coal companies! Appalachia! Clogging! Weed! Meth wars! Marshals! Gun fights! EXPLOSIONS!

I cannot even explain it in calm ways right now. Basically there's Raylan Gibbons (Timothy Olyphant) and he is the baddest badass to ever badass his way through the world, and will continue being badass even if he gets the crap kicked out of him. He shoots this shady narco guy like it's the Wild West for Reasons, and his US Marshall bosses are like "would you stop killing people? Geez. Go... go sit in Kentucky and THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE."

And of course, he grew up in rural KT and rapidly falls back in among his old crew and it's weird because most of them are doing highly illegal shit and he's the law, etc. Especially illegal in his vocation is Boyd Crowder who is Shane from The Shield and I keep calling him Shane Crowder (oops), but he's a much more awesome/crazy/cool here. Boyd is legit smarter and more crooked than you, and it is awesome. And sad because sometimes he wants to go straight but he's only known being a shady Appalachian crime lord so he's kind of stuck. It's this or blowing shit up at the mine, really.

Then there's Raylan's con-artist dad, and his aunt/step-mother (well, it IS Kentucky) who like constantly has a shot gun in her hands, and just this insane cast of insane characters running around hills and hollers and coal mines, and they are all fabulous.

As I said, my fave is Ava. She's the former wife of Boyd Crowder's brother, Beauman(Boman? Whichever all the Crowder boys have B names and it's confusing). She and Raylan have sparks aplenty flying between them and I kind of ship Ava/Raylan at this moment, although I probably ship Raylan/Anyone-who-is-not-Winona. Winona being Raylan's ex-wife who's married to a real estate broker. Winona is annoying. I dislike Winona. Winona never shoots at anybody. This is a major character flaw, imo.

Game of Thrones is over now, so you should go watch Justified. Because we all know True Blood is too cracked-out to make sense anymore anyway (but I'll still watch it next week because I'm a weak person).

This is really HARD. A top 10 would be easier because I love so many but I'll try...

1. The Sportive Sun (Limited Edition, and I'm crying because eventually I will run out ) 
Mine are the night and morning,
The pits of air, the gulf of space,
The sportive sun, the gibbous moon,
The innumerable days.

I hid in the solar glory,
I am dumb in the pealing song,
I rest on the pitch of the torrent,
In slumber I am strong.

Heliotrope, amber, almond flower, frangipani, cedar, and calamus.



2. The Haunted Palace (Another Limited Edition, of which I will eventually run out *sob*) This is almost the only scent I have found that has roses in it that I can wear. Rose scent for whatever reason magnifies and overpowers everything when I wear it but this one mostly smells like blood orange, vanilla and amber. GAH.

In the greenest of our valleys
By good angels tenanted,
Once a fair and stately palace -
Radiant palace - reared its head.
In the monarch Thought's dominion -
It stood there!
Never seraph spread a pinion
Over fabric half so fair!

Banners yellow, glorious, golden,
On its roof did float and flow,
(This - all this - was in the olden
Time long ago,)
And every gentle air that dallied,
In that sweet day,
Along the ramparts plumed and pallid,
A winged odor went away.

Wanderers in that happy valley,
Through two luminous windows, saw
Spirits moving musically,
To a lute's well-tuned law,
Round about a throne where, sitting
(Porphyrogene!)
In state his glory well-befitting,
The ruler of the realm was seen.

And all with pearl and ruby glowing
Was the fair palace door,
Through which came flowing, flowing, flowing,
And sparkling evermore,
A troop of Echoes, whose sweet duty
Was but to sing,
In voices of surpassing beauty,
The wit and wisdom of their king.

But evil things, in robes of sorrow,
Assailed the monarch's high estate.
(Ah, let us mourn! - for never morrow
Shall dawn upon him desolate!)
And round about his home the glory
That blushed and bloomed,
Is but a dim-remembered story
Of the old time entombed.

And travellers, now, within that valley,
Through the red-litten windows see
Vast forms, that move fantastically
To a discordant melody,
While, like a ghastly rapid river,
Through the pale door
A hideous throng rush out forever
And laugh - but smile no more.

The moment before the ruin, frozen. The scent of captured glory, of glowing pearls and rubies, of golden sunlit joy and regal grandeur: red rose, Tunisian amber, blood orange, toasted vanilla, heliotrope, gardenia and red musk.


3. Maenad - I originally got this one from zephyrofgod , who didn't like it much and this is a fussy scent because it either does yummy things on your skin or smells like a strawberry went berzerk.  On me smells like strawberries and oranges.

Orgiastic mayhem in the extreme: sweet strawberry and orange blossom distorted by carnation, black poppy and hibiscus.


4. Sybaris - tonka, violet and a hint of incense are what come out when I wear it. LOVE.
The pinnacle of wealth, luxury, self-indulgent pleasure, voluptuousness and sensuality. Bright violet with sweet clove, Mediterranean incense notes and tonka bean.


5. Mag Mell  - On me this smells like I imagine fairy land would. Verbena, rain and amber are what hit me most.
The Plane of Joy, eternal reward for a lifetime of valor and glory. A place of eternal youth and beauty, strength and honor, music and revelry. The warmth of amber, the puissance of white ginger and the clarity of verbena, with fresh green grass, lush sage and cleansing droplets of summer rain.

... I think I blanked most of this out of my brain, tbh.

I am at once eager for the next season and yet fairly certain I'm going to just be there for naked guys. >.> 

But omg I forgot about Pam breaking my heart. And Jason. Those parts were good.

And at least Aunt Petunia's gone.

But still. ... this show. I forgot how utterly nuts it is. I NEED SPARTACUS BACK IN MY LIFE. I am forgetting what insane tv is like.

Also I need to sleep but I can't breathe when I lay down. Urgh I hate asthma. :/

Have you seen this week's Game of Thrones? I mean seriously have you seen it and can you sleep? Because I am 100% sure that it will be haunting my nightmares.

( this ep is a definition of nightmare fuel )

It's not melted and it has all its letters!! XD I can communicate again!! YEY.

I'm doing daily workouts again and feeling much better in general altho last night there was some kind of windstorm and ugh asthma but oh well.

No further word about moving but omg I hope the army doesn't change its mind... *sob* 

Now off to read and this time offer comments! Because I can type! With a keyboard! 

Okay I find it awesome the Skins cast keeps finding its way to Westeros but it is REALLY distracting me that Gilly is Cassie and I want to know if Gilly has eating disorders and if she will will go "Wow" or "Lovely" a lot and get totally trashed and maybe not eat for three days so she can be really cute for Sam and/or Jon and then Gendry will finally get to the wall to be like "Hey everybody lets get drunk YEY!" 

I really, really wand Kaya Scodelario/Effie to be a Sand Snake. This entire Skins:Westeros is in my head like a bad crossover fanfic at this point. I'm just saying. TONY SHOULD BE AURANE WATERS AND POSSIBLY DAARIO. Jai will be a new Bloodrider, and the twins can be whoever, and-- I'll stop. I'm still advocating Effie for a Sand Snake though.

But Tony! He was in Clash of the Titans (with Effie, srsly do not think I didn't notice), and he's Beast so why can't he show up too? Please, HBO? 



Anyway... Robb and his actor need to be less awesome. I'm never going to be over the fact he and Renly are texting about how Renly is fantasizing about Robb, etc.


And I also (secretly) think that Melisandre's actress might have been way more awesome as Cersei than Lena Headey. /Blasphemy. Seriously though I don't like Lena that much but I do like her Cersei... just still can't quite forget it's Lena I'm looking at.

REASON THIS NEW SEASON IS BETTER: SALLADHOR SAAN.


SALLA IS FLAWFREE AND I WILL LOVE HIM FOREVER.

These words were given to me by naeko. If you want me to give you 7 words, just comment here and I'll come up with something. :)

Arthurian Legend
My crack, let me show you it. I grew up with King Arthur- it was one of the first books I read and I loved the idea of knighthood and chivalry and Arthur's ideals, and Morgan le Fay... omg. Everything. I even thought it was awesome that there was all this madness business- "madness of Sir Lancelot" etc. Then the hilariously awful cartoon called Young King Arthur and the Knights of Justice came on and Princess Gwenivere and the Jewel Riders. ZOMG.

Granted as a grown up I get there's more to it that hermits in the woods curing you when you run mad and decide to live as a tree for months on end, whilst everyone wears pretty clothes and watches jousting tournaments. I love the character of Morgana/Morgan le Fay especially and her evolution through the years- originally she was more like a healer for Arthur's knights and then she sort of became the part-time antagonist except when she decides at random to be helpful, which has to be even more confusing to live with. "Morgan are you pro-us today or are you going to poison everyone?" "I don't know, let's flip a coin."


Buffy the Vampire Slayer
This was the crack of my middle school years. I wanted to be Buffy so bad I became a cheerleader. I wanted to talk like them and dress like them and oh the angst of wanting a vampire boyfriend, etc. BUFFY I LOVE YOU FOREVER. Then we got Angel which was kind of good sometimes but Buffy was the original and Buffy was the best. I just love how she was a blond who was kind of a ditz (like moi!) and still managed to kick ass. It made me so happy as a tween because maybe I could kick ass too!


Reading
I do this a lot. Obviously. But as an only child who had pneumonia a squillion times and was always getting sick it was like read or die of boredom, but I liked reading. I still like reading because you can go live someone else's life for a few hours and unlike television you can build the world in your head. My mom always got annoyed with me because if I got overwhelmed or bored I would just stick my nose in book and not come out.


Elves
OH GOD ELVES. It was that step between ponies and vampires, and then I read lord of the rings and Galadriel help me, I was a Legolas fangirl... then Lord of the Rings came out when I was in High School and I proceeded to crush on Orlando Bloom as only a teenage girl can. There were posters. POSTERS. I wanted pointy ears and to live in Mirkwood.

Honestly, I blame David Bowie. Had I not seen his tights and all that glitter in Labyrinth as a child maybe I wouldn't have gone gaga for elves so badly. OMG the Labyrinth fanfic I wrote... I was 12. You can imagine. I wanted to go live with the fairies/goblins/whatever and dance around in crystal ballrooms in GIGANTIC FUCKOFF BALLGOWNS. While obviously vacationing to Mirkwood to make out with Legolas. Oh and then there was the five-second attempt to learn Elvish but I gave up on that in favor of Spanish because I realized I could possible flirt with real boys in Spanish. Except then I realized real boys were kind of sucky at 13 and went back to being in love with Legolas.

obislollipop then reminded me of hot Jedis and I wandered off to go crush on Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon and Mace Windu. Jedi are kind of elves what with magic powers and all only minus the ears and eternal life, you know? So that was how my elf-phase mostly ended, although I admit I sometimes still crush on fictional elvish characters... like Trent Kalamack in the Rachel Morgan books. He's an ass and yet I sort of adore him.

OH AND OMFG MERRY GENTRY. MERRY GODDAMN GENTRY. Okay that's fairies more than elves but I am positive naeko and dwg can attest about the sheer wtf'ery of that series. I really loved the idea of the series because Sidhe Princess! Unseelie Court! Politics! Banishment! Etc! *flails* And then it was just stupid sex and pr0nz and LSD imagery... I gave up. So now the Rachel Morgan books are the only elves in my life.


Wine
OM NOM NOM. Husband went to Italy and brought home yummy wines. I am not a wine taster though so I can just tell you if I liked it or didn't like it, and I kind of find the 'wine connossieur' thing to be ridiculous especially when they like try to compose poetry to the wine in their mouth and it's like "Really? You just sound like a pretentious ass now." Because I don't care how awesome it is, if you start telling me "Woodsy notes of earthiness fading into a n explosion of summer berries and the notes of autumnal sunsets that swirl across the senses before shimmering to the incandescent berry finish" Oookay, I want whatever pill you took before you downed that drink. I have yet to feel a taste sparkle and I'm not sure I want to.

People just get so snobby about wines and let's be real half of them don't know wtf they're talking about they just read the dealer's description and are spouting it off with some added verbage.


Ouija Boards
LULZ. Oh my tweenage self had such a fixation. My mom's got a New Age streak in her and there are lots of candles and crystals and tarot decks and fortune telling gizmos stuck in the corners of our house- including Ouija boards. She says they make a good meditation tool. Idk. They're fun and ridiculous and I adore them. I also love them for the effect they have on specific stupid people who freak out about DEMONZ OH NOEZ.

Protip: If you think Ouija boards are demonic, get thee to thy goode psycho-analyst and check on yon prescriptions.


Driving
I sort of love/hate it. I like driving along and cruising and being mistress of my own destiny or whatever and all that jazz, but otoh heavy traffic freaks me out. Why? Because people are stupid, and I'm kind of a ditz and I just know if I don't fuck up then one of them will and we'll all die in a fiery explosion while Bruce Willis leaps over twisted metal to tackle a terrorist.

Okay maybe that last part is exaggerated but it's totes still valid. I really fucking miss having a car though, because being stuck at home during the day blows. I know how Victorian chicks went all crazyland now. Blah.

Also: DEER. Fucking deer. Everywhere. There is nothing worse than having to drive during mating or hunting seasons in/around Hometown. OMFG. They just appear on the road like some kind of demented Frogger and then there's swerving and breaks squealing and screaming. And did you know you can die of Head On Deer Encounters? Oh yes, yes you can. It happens like once a year in hometown. Someone hits a deer and it comes through the windshield and you're just dead. Seatbelts not helpful. It is one point in favor of driving a ginormous fucking farm truck that you can hit a deer and be like "Oh was there a speed bump?" Driving a tiny ickle car otoh it's like "OH GOD WE WILL ALL DIE NOW AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

And that's of course neglecting the whole part about how there are no drivers' ed courses anymore so teenagers happen, and the people who are just sucky drivers, or just mistakes made because it is humans doing the driving. Eeeek. It's just sort of hard to deal.