True Blood: The WTF that just keeps giving...

I am dearly starting to miss Maryann Forrester. Hate on her all you will, I will take a kick ass orgiastic maenad crazytalking me over SEX NARNIA. I mean seriously what else do you call that? Open the door of the shower and you are in a magical fairy woodland winter and there's a clearing and we are like one lamppost short of the Lantern Waste and I can only imagine what kind of awesome statuary Jadis could have made of naked Eric and Sookie... and btw, Jadis turning them to stone would totally have been more entertaining and lest god-awful goofy to watch than "WE ARE THE SUN!" ot what the fuck ever that was.

Alan Ball, I know you think that was entertaining but no it was not. Please to be knocking that shit off.

And that last episode? How stupid is the Witch War going to get, anyway? How was Sookie healed when five seconds ago Beeel is all "She is naht takin mah bloahd." ??

How did a Bill/Eric/Sookie v-dream tun into the lamest thing to ever lame itself across my screen? I mean, I know it's a handicap anytime Bill's there instead of Alcide's naked torso (which is at least a bonus to these last two wtf episodes)...

When I'm starting to like Debbie MAH COOTER Pelt over most of the cast... c'mon bebes, we gotsa problem.

Mavis does not interest me. Nor does glowing chakra Lafayette.

Marnitonia's (Antarney?) plan is sort of interesting .Also she is creepy. Necromancy is creepy. But she is still doing it BETTER THAN ANITA BLAKE. So I give her some credit right there.  I hate you, Anita Blake. Anyway, back to my original omfgwtafzombies rant...

Can we please have unlame wiccans now? Why are all these the lame wiccans?

OH, and I AM STARTING TO MISS STEVE NEWLIN. Btw, subtle of you writers to be periodically sticking in tv snippets of reporters talking about the missing Newlin. Oooh, foreshadowing! Of something far more interesting than this stupid witch thing which should be awesome but is not for reasons I cannot comprehend other than you are all getting so into WHERE ARE HOYT'S PANTS and JESSICA LIKES TAYLOR SWIFT AND TWILIGHT and .. and... OH I JUST CANNOT WITH THIS OKAY? I am not amused with Arlene's whacky hijinks. I like Lafayette better as Lafayette altho watching him play a woman in Lafayette's body was cool.

Good point: SAMMY IS CREEPY LIKE CREEPY THINGS. And you do knwo what I mean by Sammy right? Those weird times when Sam is actually Tommy and you can entirely tell he is Tommy and it's awesome acting but so weird.

Now, can Tommy skinwalk Alcide so we can have TWO NAKED/SEMINAKED ALCIDES AT ALL TIMES?
What? I'm shallow. I blame the show for always making Alcide naked or stripping to become naked at all times.

Also Debby can take Tomcide and Alcide can go be awesome somewhere where only Alcide's chest and Eric and Pam and Lafayette hang out. Nan will sometimes visit and be bitchy and Jessica will guest star.

Dear Marcus, I am sorry but your Alpha!skillz are nothing compared to Alcide's giantness. Like... just give up. He is the once and future packmaster. Just saying. Also I get it, wolves mate for life or some bullshit and all but you are lame and your ex-wife is a skinwalker and maybe that should weird you out more than it obviously does. Because dude do you get that she can TURN INTO YOU? She can kill you and then BE YOU so the cops don't think you are dead?


Also I have decided my perfectest TV crack would somehow combine Game of Thrones, True Blood, Sons of Anarchy and Deadwood.So it would sort of be like post-apocalyptic steampunk vampire and werewolf and wereperson bikers fighting evil Fellowship of the Sun Mayans while the fairies played games of high politics in their Kings Landing style court. Possibly while everyone dressed like it was 1923, and things would continually explode and people would die in horrifyingly interesting ways and/or be naked on an almost constant basis.

You're welcome for that awesome image.

Things To Watch When There Is No Game of Thrones...

OMG NETFLIX IS A TERRIBLE ADDICTION.

I just marathoned Mad Men for days. OMGDONDRAPER. OMGPEGGY

Now I am marathoning Sons of Anarchy. OMGJAX. OMGGEMMA.

DEADWOOD. OMGEVERYONE. I <3 Al Swerengen and I can't even tell you exactly why just that he is made of awesome. I love how in s3, Trixie finally gets to wear clothing. LOL

And you know something? I would totally marry Ellsworth. At least Ellsworth has expressions. Bullock's cute and all but that whole showing no emotion except sometimes frowning slightly more before he kills the hell out of someone... uh, a little to psychopath-y for me. Good for a fling, but sort of less good for someone you're eventually going to scream at for leaving dirty dishes on the counter or something. Brynden thinks this is a silly line of reasoning but I maintain Bullock is a little too intense for living around all the time. Maybe like... part-time. I couldn't deal with living with him. No wonder his wife is so uptight all the time.

Also on the list of people not to marry/hook up with in Deadwood: Cy. EW. I loathe Cy. Also: Hearst, but I knew that was coming because hello he's a ROBBER BARON DUH. He can't help but be skeevy. Wolcott also but that I think would just qualify as suicide.

But seriously. Cy. CY. Just... how is someone not murdering him all the time? He's just that damn smarmy and also annoying. Granted he's a good nemesis cause he's so smoothly gross at you that it makes Al look sympathetic but it would be nice if Cy was sometimes something resembling a human.

I love Joannie. And Charlie. And Calamity. Also, Jewel rocks... and the poor doctor. HE PUTS UP WITH SO MUCH. I sort of like Mrs Garett but sort of not- she needs to loosen that corset or something. But really, Trixie is the best ever.


It's also amusing that there are actors overlapping between the shows. Like how Rachel Menken is now Jax's girlfriend and Charlie Udder is the sherriff and also Sons of Anarchy is run by Hellboy so that's fun too.

I'm halfway through S3 of Deadwood and I finished all of Mad Men and I am on S2 of Sons of Anarchy and YAY NEW THINGS TO FANGIRL.

Also Secret Circle's going to be on CW this fall so I will admit to wanting to watch that. VAMPIRE DIARIES OMG CANNOT WAIT.