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Season of the Witch
Sep. 30th, 2011 12:28 amTHIS MOVIE.
First of all, it's about how Nicholas Cage and Clay Morrow fought in the Holy Land because Sandor Clegane ordered them to and then they got tired of Sandor's bullshit and hightailed it out but then they ran into LE PLAGUE. Now they are in this city somewhere in Ye Medieval Europaland and there's a witch who is turning everyone into newts but then they don't get better they just sort of turn into welty zombies. So Nick and Clay get suckered into going with this old knight and a priest and a altar boy who wants to be a knight who I just kept calling Podrick to take Adorabelle Dearheart who is The Black Wiiiiitch oooooh off to a monastary that is a frillion miles of mountains away.
This movie wants me to think that Nick is the star but I know better, this movie is actually about Sir Clay Morrow of Awesomeland. Seriously I did not even care that Nick Cage was around and why was he blonde anyway? Who looked at him and went "We can totally make you pass as a knight if we dip you in peroxide first!"
I did really like the sword fights. Go fightmaster whoever you were! However... we have GOT to talk with this director about how he decided to pretend he was in the Sahara with bad greenscreens and worse cgi and quite possibly fake sand as well. WTH WAS WITH THAT? If you are going to make stuff look unreal then do it proper- you get UNREAL with it! Haven't you people been secretly watching Spartacus like the rest of us??
Anyway. It's nice that no one in this thing bothers with an accent at least, but it does kind of give the hilarious impression that the British-esque Europeans don't notice that these guys are clearly from some other continent. Especially Al Capone who I did not realize had that accent naturally- I thought he just did that for Boardwalk Empire but maybe not!
So the guys haul Adorabelle across the damn continent and she's in a wagon and there's an obligatory rickety rope bridge and the whole reason they make this journey in the first place is because there is only ONE book of spells to cure witches left in the entire world.One left. Despite all the burning of witches they've been doing (witnessed in the first minutes of the movie where Some Priest burns a triple set of them).
( Further thoughts cut in case you would be upset at being spoiled by this piece of HIGH QUALITY cinema for realz )
First of all, it's about how Nicholas Cage and Clay Morrow fought in the Holy Land because Sandor Clegane ordered them to and then they got tired of Sandor's bullshit and hightailed it out but then they ran into LE PLAGUE. Now they are in this city somewhere in Ye Medieval Europaland and there's a witch who is turning everyone into newts but then they don't get better they just sort of turn into welty zombies. So Nick and Clay get suckered into going with this old knight and a priest and a altar boy who wants to be a knight who I just kept calling Podrick to take Adorabelle Dearheart who is The Black Wiiiiitch oooooh off to a monastary that is a frillion miles of mountains away.
This movie wants me to think that Nick is the star but I know better, this movie is actually about Sir Clay Morrow of Awesomeland. Seriously I did not even care that Nick Cage was around and why was he blonde anyway? Who looked at him and went "We can totally make you pass as a knight if we dip you in peroxide first!"
I did really like the sword fights. Go fightmaster whoever you were! However... we have GOT to talk with this director about how he decided to pretend he was in the Sahara with bad greenscreens and worse cgi and quite possibly fake sand as well. WTH WAS WITH THAT? If you are going to make stuff look unreal then do it proper- you get UNREAL with it! Haven't you people been secretly watching Spartacus like the rest of us??
Anyway. It's nice that no one in this thing bothers with an accent at least, but it does kind of give the hilarious impression that the British-esque Europeans don't notice that these guys are clearly from some other continent. Especially Al Capone who I did not realize had that accent naturally- I thought he just did that for Boardwalk Empire but maybe not!
So the guys haul Adorabelle across the damn continent and she's in a wagon and there's an obligatory rickety rope bridge and the whole reason they make this journey in the first place is because there is only ONE book of spells to cure witches left in the entire world.One left. Despite all the burning of witches they've been doing (witnessed in the first minutes of the movie where Some Priest burns a triple set of them).
( Further thoughts cut in case you would be upset at being spoiled by this piece of HIGH QUALITY cinema for realz )
